Community Blog

Are You Lacking Confidence?

Self-confident people do not live in the past or the future, they live in the present. They are willing to take a risk and do what reality requires rather than act to prevent some future disaster from occurring.

They accept that they do not know what will happen, but use their judgment to act based on the requirements of life as it is today. If they take care of the present, the future will take care of itself.

Why can’t we bring ourselves to do that?  What is preventing us from taking our lives one day at a time?

Simply put, we do not trust our judgment; we do not trust our competence to deal with life as it comes. Our perception of life as unpredictable, scary, and dangerous has made us feel insecure. Our insecurity is painful. We seek relief from the pain of our insecurity in guarantees, but there are no guarantees, no roadmaps, no fortune telling. Even fortune tellers cannot foretell their own fate.

Security does not lie in forecasting the future; it comes from our self-confidence, which is the feeling that we are worthwhile human beings in spite of our faults and imperfections. On that basis, we can trust ourselves to cope with life, not perfectly, but well enough. Once we come to that conclusion, we will be free of our childhood beliefs that life is scary, and that we are too immature to cope with it. Such mistaken convictions make our lives more complicated and difficult than they need to be. Once we are rid of them, we really will be able to cope better.

We can become more confident if we pick an area in which we are having trouble, then create or invent new memorable, extremely favorable, ridiculously absurd options to deal with that situation. If you are uncomfortable around your supervisor at work or your relatives, imagine positive scenes in which you solve conflicts or make adjustments.

If confidence and self-esteem are low, imagine scenes in which confidence is increased. Imagine being praised for your efforts, being successful, or finally receiving the acceptance or affection from those who have not provided it in the past. If nothing else, by thinking of the best possible outcome you can feel more open to the shades of gray rather than the black-and-white world of all good or all bad. It may sound strange, but our brain will think our life is better (it only knows what it’s told!) and chemically our mood will lift gradually.

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